Abstracts of books
…A short time later I stand completely apathetic in front of the pan. My thoughts have once again taken me into a completely different world. Uncontrollable. I am no longer really there. I cannot concentrate on the here and now. I am like in a trance or in a dream. Suddenly back to my senses, I begin to cry terribly. The tears run down my face like rivers and are already dripping onto my shirt. I take the pan off the hotplate and put it under the cold water. The pasta is so burnt that a mist can be seen in the kitchen. Still crying, I think that this can not be true by any means. I can not even reheat pasta anymore!
…I can not do it to my dear fellow human beings, the people who are so important to me and those whom I love. I can not make them to have to suffer because of me. So I keep suffering and keep fighting. Maybe I will get well again someday. Maybe I will be happy again someday. Maybe I will enjoy life again someday. I keep fighting for my dear people, whom I love and who love me. As hard as it may ever be. As pointless as it seems to me. As desperate as I may be. There is no other way. Then I remember that I actually have a good life, that actually I should be happy and that actually I could be satisfied. Actually.
…And
now a depressive person is even more in the situation where even more thoughts
are coming up why the thinking about it can not be stopped. A circle slowly
forms, which enlarges with each round, like a spiral, and at some point
everything seems full of circles and spirals. You can not see through it any
more. But the momentum that
the first small circle has of its own can not be stopped. You can see where it
will lead. You know you should stop the circle and pull the spiral straight,
but you can not manage to do so. You are overwhelmed.
Additional info about my books
